A Journey to Remember - Thoughts

Tomorrow will be officially one week that I began my training for the MABBA Fall Classics. I thought for this blog I would share my thoughts and feelings I had and currently have over the past week as I go through this journey of mine.

At the beginning of the week I was so excited to train for the MABBA Fall Classics. I was preparing myself to work hard, train hard, bulk up and everything and I was committed into doing this. I knew I have a lot of work to do because of how lean/skinny I am and that I need to bulk up if I want to be in a position to compete for the Fall Classics. Though I was preparing myself physically I didn’t mentally and I guess also emotionally prepare myself enough before making the decision to jump and train for a competition. I have thought about bodybuilding and thought about competing ever since my Kuya Larry (older brother) suggested it. I can’t remember as to when he suggested it, but I declined the idea when he did suggested it. However, the thought lingered in the back of my mind. The obvious advantage of becoming a bodybuilder is the look. I would end up having the chiselled chest, the big arms, abs, legs pretty much what almost every guy would want to have for themselves. Another advantage would be living a healthier lifestyle, such as eating healthier meals, making the right food choices, exercising and staying fit, etc. These are all great advantages of doing this but I never thought that there can be some downsides to bodybuilding as well, personally.

(not me; image capture google)

I found that within the week that I’ve started training I have noticed that I would have to mentally prepare myself also. As most people know I was pretty ‘big’ to a point that I needed to change the way I ate and exercised. During my ‘bigger’ days I always thought to myself how ‘big’ I was (when I refer to ‘big’ I’m referring to me being fat. I’m sugar coating it). I would literally be on an emotional rollercoaster making myself feel gross, disgusted, and that I’m nothing, which is sad and would make myself feel down. Once I started working out I started to feel better about myself. I started to treat myself better, rewarding myself on a good run that I’ve done or just pushing myself to become better. But there were still the odd times where I would still put myself down, even to this day. From being close to 200lbs and down to 158lbs brought an array amount of emotions. I always felt that I was still ‘big’, I felt that I didn’t look good, and I felt gross whenever I looked at myself in the mirror. Of course I was ecstatic to have lost an enormous amount of weight but, it was so quick that my emotions as well as my thoughts weren’t able to catch up when I lost the weight.

I am currently working on myself where I do tell myself that “I’m not fat” or “I am something”. I think for the most part I just need to love myself. All of my life I’ve always put others before my needs. I always thought, “if I put people first before my own needs it will make me happy because I have helped them with a problem that they had” however, I can’t make others happy unless I help myself first. Don’t get me wrong, helping others out if they need it is a great gesture, but in my situation I can’t help everyone out and satisfy everyone’s needs, I’m not superman (but I can dream I am, favourite superhero for the record). For the most part what I need to do is focus on myself first before helping others. Of course I can help others out whenever I can however, I need to do what is beneficial for me in order for me to grow.

This is why I’m doing this journey. It isn’t just because I want to look good in the summer and all year round, though it does have it’s benefits, but more so I want to grow and be able to achieve this goal that I actually want with the help and support of family and friends like Yu, Kuya Larry, my coach Brian and others. I am grateful that people from Instagram, Facebook, and other social media sites are so encouraging and it makes me feel inspired to go on and push forward onto this journey which I am sharing with everyone. I continue to be excited each day as I workout and train myself to do well in the competition as well as continue to motivate myself in loving myself and caring for myself so I am not on an emotional rollercoaster to a point that I suppress the feelings.

Thank you for all of your support, encouragement and inspiring words to help me push forward on this journey. I hope that I can be able to help inspire people around with my journey and encourage others to overcome any emotional states to grow and appreciate, care and love our own lives.